Tainted
by puRpLebLuSh017
Summary: Love just finds its way back home. And Athrun found his way back to Lacus' arms. [AthrunXLacus]
1. Athrun Zala

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own any of the Gseed characters.. if ever I did… I would kill that blonde!

**TAINTED**

_Written by PuRpLebLusH017_

**. : ATHRUN ZALA : .**

Ironic

That's what _life_ is. At least that's how I, former ZAFT and FAITH ally, Athrun Zala view my life. Leaning back on that hard cold solid wall, I can't seem to feel but miserable once again. I sigh inwardly, sounding like a thorn has been pricked from inside of me. As I stare on that blood-like liquid this clear glass I'm holding, I try not to feel any guilt about every bloodshed that I myself has beset upon.

And then, I fail. Just as fragile as those feathers hiding inside those fabrics of eternity, I _easily_ break into pieces. I shook my head to dismiss the thought. I only wanted one thing my whole life. Yet, it was never given to me.

I only wanted _happiness_.

A happy life.

Was that so _hard_ to give?

Being the trained soldier and an elite coordinator that I am, I'm supposedly to NOT feel anything during the war. But I am, just like any body else, human too aren't I? I close my eyes and flashbacks came crossing my vision. I see the picture of my late mother. How I wish I could have protected her. I already have the will, yet, I don't have the power.

There came the vision of that chocolate haired male I try not to kill. Kira Yamato. The friends we were back then turned upside down when we saw one another in the battlefield. How can I fight or even kill the one person whom I trusted and befriended? Him being my friend is definitely confusing me. But then, at the end of the heated battle, it was also him who enlightened me and led me to the right path.

But at the same time, there is something deep inside of me that wants to hate him. For whenever I utter his name, _she_ always comes trailing after.

_Lacus Clyne_.

Two words. One meaning. A pink-haired _angel_ fallen out of the sky. The same angel whom everybody loves. The pink songstress of hope, others say. But then, at the end, it all sums up to one person after all.

Alas, my life was shone a little light when that sweet smile greeted and eased my pain. Truth be told, I was happy to know that she's going to be the future Mrs. Lacus Zala. Hmmm, that's really nice to pronounce. It sounds almost perfect. Mr. Athrun Zala and Mrs. Lacus Zala.

But as the war ignited like a wildfire, we became enemies. Apparently, I held a gun pointing at that innocent angel. Such life I had.

Our solitude gave way for a woman to destructively invade my mind, namely, Cagalli Yula Atha. Surprisingly, she is the long lost twin sister of my dear friend, Kira. She's a woman who will do anything for her homeland, Orb, a neutral country. Her situation is what I prefer best. I couldn't let her be away from her beloved homeland. I knew that it will never work between the two of us.

"congratulations!"

I silently steal a glance to contaminate my soul. There she is. Long pink hair, those sparkling blue eyes, that satin complexion, those sweet cherry lips, and that heavenly laugh.

I frown.

Isn't this supposed to be a celebration for her? For she was finally getting to tie the everlasting knot with my best friend? Engagements were supposed to be about happy feelings for the two people right? And I'm their friend right? Pfft. Friend. That's what all I am. A _friend_. Friends were supposed to be happy for their friends who are about to be wed right? Now, why the hell am I frowning?

"wow! It's sooooo _pretty_!" her friend beside her begin to chatter. Talking about how pretty her _engagement_ ring is. I snort, for it's not THAT pretty—_pretty_. Knowing her, she would prefer a simple amethyst than that _stupid_ overly large diamond around her ring finger.

"do you think Kira spent a fortune at that?" her stupid friend started again. Heh, If I just had that chance, I would have given her MORE than that worthless piece of shit.

As I zoom on her reaction, I clearly saw that she blushed. She _blushed_. A simple reaction that triggers a lot of emotions inside of me. I guess, I should leave. I have already been here, talking to _myself_ for almost two hours now. That's quite enough, I guess. Besides, all I've been doing is _ogle_ at her magnificent presence. And its not good to ogle at your _ex-fiancée_ who is your best friend's fiancée, right?

I'm done with this. I already tortured myself. It's enough thought that I can't _have_ her anymore. So, why bother? I wasn't even planning to attend this boring party if it weren't for… for _her_. I just wanted to see if she's really happy about what she's going to do. Hell, I'm _not_ planning to attend the wedding proper itself. I sit upright and gently placed the untouched wine I held on a center table. I was about to walk to get my coat when _another_ torture came at me.

"Athrun! Leaving so soon?" those purple eyes have always been TOO concerned about almost everything lately. I appreciate all of his love and care for me. But right now, I feel like punching him straight in the face with all my strength. And later, strangle him to _death_.

"uhh.." I shutter. Those are bad thoughts about a friend, I tell myself. "busy day tomorrow…" I try to explain to him.

I could see brown hair flutter around and two hands clasped together in front of me. "just don't leave yet…"

I try to ignore those puppy eyes. I knew that this was going _somewhere_ in the middle of my own liking.

"…truth be told… I want to ask for a favor…"

See? I just knew him _too_ well. Hardly predictable.

"you see.. I have _this_ errand to do and I received a call earlier that I need to attend to it right now…" he explains. There was something in his eyes that I cannot tell. His expression suddenly changed to _another_ mask that I can't read. It's as if his eyes are hiding something sorrowful deep inside, but then, I really can't say.

"—I need you to watch out for Lacus at me!—" I stop upon hearing_ her_ name. If it's related to her, then this will be as hard as those heart dropping experiences I had just to ensure that my _feelings_ are still intact. Far from her, way far where she could hear me repeat her name over and over again. "—and I need you to _watch_ her for me! Just for tonight! Please?" he was now waving his clasped hands in front of his face like a kid. Childish acts were one of his unique personalities after all.

My eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the topic of our conversation. "does she know?" I ask, pertaining to Lacus of course. I just had to know. I don't want her to misunderstand _anything_. I could feel Kira's sticky stare at her from our point of view. As if on queue, she turns to look at us and gently smiled. I selfishly think that she smiled at ME not at HIM.

"yes… I already told her… about everything…" there was that indescribable feeling once again. What was he hiding anyway? What? "please say yes!" I stopped thinking when he started shaking me furiously. God, he just couldn't take No for an answer eh?

With my defense line crushed. I knew I was trapped. I have nothing else to do but agree. "…okay…" my eyes unconsciously eyed the pink haired beauty encircled with her friends. _But I won't be liable to whatever I could do…_

Amidst to me, Kira gave a small sad smile.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Those heavy eyelids that are about to fall, those extremely flushed face and those sweet parted cherry lips—were almost heavenly to my eyes. I smile inwardly and devilish too. For I knew one thing, the sweet innocent Lacus Clyne who is admired by every living soul in this lifetime is absolutely out of control!

She was drunk.

Yeah… _drunk_…

And I can't help but feel happy about _i_t. She was making herself _more _vulnerable than before. And it was stirring up the _rising_ temptation inside of me to do _unlogical things _to her. I sigh. I knew I should _have_ stopped her when her so-called friends dared her to drink alcohol. They kept on saying that this was her party and she should enjoy it anyways. Heh, if I knew better, they just want to see her on her knees, making herself look stupid. So much for entitling themselves her friends.

Looking around the room we are in, her guests have already deserted her moments ago, leaving her _alone_ with _me_. And, a little, no, lots of garbage those 'friends' left after crashing into her party. But as she continue sitting on that pinkish couch, head tilted to her left, right arm above her head, she just looked _more_ beautiful than ever.

I silently pick her up from the said couch in bridal style. She moans but doesn't fight to unhand her. Her eyes slowly closed as she snuggled _on me_, finding that comfortable position, Feeling _more_ of the heat I emitted.

"I'm taking _you_ to bed." I stated. Seconds later, I mentally slapped myself. This pink-haired gal might get the _wrong_ idea from what I have said. "…you need some rest..." I correct myself, hoping that there weren't any damages done.

She replies with more snuggles and a little moan. When she reached her bed, I gently lay her down, covering her with comforters to replace the _warmth _she just got used to earlier. I sit besides her, watching her chest heave up and down, making a rhythmic pattern I brush those soft pink tresses away from blocking my perfect _view_ on her face.

I smile. That glowing lovely face is honestly heavenly. I fight the urge to _kiss her_ parted lips. To taste her once a gain. No, I shouldn't do that… she's… she's already _taken_…

She shifted; her back was now facing me. I try to calm myself down. Who knows when I would _blow_ up? Before I could lift my foot to leave, she utters something which caught _me_ off guard.

"we were never given _another_ chance…"

"Aa." I just knew _what_ she was talking about. Something I want to run and hide from. How can I forget? But before this topic torment my heart and soul once again, I try to disclose it. "you better sleep… or Kira will kill me for making _you_ stay up this late…"

She laughs. I didn't utter it in that manner but she rather found it humorous. "I don't see any Kira's around, do _you_?"

"Aa" I turn my head to stare at those dark corners. "but _still_… you—"

She sits up straight, her right hand behind her for support. The other tugged my shirt. "don't you want to talk about _it_?"

"we don't need to talk about _anything_…" I defend. The pain was starting to rise up once more.

"we _need _to!" she commands. It was as if it was a necessity to her.

"Lacus… you're _engaged_…" I say, with deep sorrow hidden underneath. "_we_ don't need to dwell about the _past_… you worry about _your future_ instead…"

"…but you're _hurt_…"

"…" How could I forget that she has this ability that can _penetrate_ through my ice block walls?

"Athrun…" she turns me around so that we could see each others face. "…how long are you going to play this _charade_…? This might bring you to your end…"

"…"

"that's why… that's why we have to _talk…_ about EVERYTHING… we need to resolve it before its too late…"

I snort. "It's already _too late_ for a _closure_ Lacus, if that's what you're trying to say…"

"Athrun…"

"…_you_… you're already _engaged_…" I swallow. Though, it was the thought I couldn't digest. "…_to him_…"

"I know…" she smiles. "and it feels kind of awkward too…" I shot my head towards her. Could it be possible? That she _still_—? My eyes suddenly rounded, was she having doubts about her _engagement_ with Kira all along? "I pictured my life to be with you _forever_…" I can see that blush creeping on her rosy cheeks.

"—to have _your children_ inside of me…"

"…"

"—to be in _your arms_ every night…"

"…"

"—to _worry for you_ whenever you're at work… and—"

My brows knitted together. There was only one logical thing that explains why she's saying these things to me right now. "you're drunk"

She laughs upon hearing that. "yes, yes, of course I am! But… you don't _believe_ me?"

"you're _intoxicated_. You don't _know_ what you're saying…"

"don't you know that alcohol makes a person _say things_ they dearly want to bury six feet under? Alcohol usually makes them say _all of these_ things without holding back, without thinking about the consequences of the 'ifs'. Therefore, it's like a truth serum…" she smiles once again. Oh God, I hate her malicious smile right now. This woman is NOT the Lacus Clyne I know and love.

"…"

"Athrun…" she bit her lip "I think—I think—"

"stop it!"

"but…"

"you're _getting married_ Lacus! Focus on that!"

"I… _I think I don't want to get married with him_…" she said it the magic words that will cause me my fall. Now, it's her fault. All her _fault _that I'm having all this tingling sparks of _hope_ inside of me.

"Lacus…" I whisper.

"I'm still _in love with you_…" she says, looking straight into my eyes, piercing through time and reality. I was searching for the verity of her statement. I felt like I had to be sure before I conclude things. When I found no reason at all, all those hidden and pent up emotions just _blew up_. It felt forever waiting for those words again.

"you're going to regret this…" I tell her.

"I am?"

"…but _I wont_…" I smile seductively. Ah, those dreams I had with her been slowly coming to reality. And the next thing I knew and focused on was the warmness her mouth was giving onto mine. How long have I waited for _this day_? To finally have her _back in my arms_? My hands traveled expertly on her body, reminiscing her.

As things run as far as they wanted to, I vowed to myself, _I will take her_ no matter what. Far, far away from the man she was supposed to wed. Far from the people we knew. Away from the people who parts us apart.

I knew for a fact that I was taking advantage of the drunken pink haired songstress. But as things started to heat up between the two of us, _I couldn't care less_.

So, what if I am _kissing my ex-fiancée_?

What if _I'm savaging her lips on mine_?

What if she's _getting married to my best friend_?

So, what if I plan to _kidnap her for my selfish desires_?

Hey, life is _Ironic._

Isn't it?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Purpleblush:** yehey! I finished this one! I hope I could continue this one too! And my other stories as well! College life has never been busy!

I hope that you liked this chappie!

Kindly leave me your thoughts and constructive criticisms!

**Please and thank you…**

_Love you all…_

mMmMwWwWwWaAaAaAaAaAhHhHhHhHhHhH


	2. Kira Yamato

**_Disclaimer:_** I don't own any of the Gseed characters.. If ever I did… I would hook Lacus and Athrun together! WEEEEEEEEEE!

**Warning:** TOO much emotion

**TAINTED**

_Written by PuRpLebLusH017_

**. : KIRA YAMATO : .**

I'm hurt.

I've felt this kind of pain before. And I'm sure you must've felt it too.

The stinging pain that pierces through your heart. The constricted breathing you make. The gasps you utter and the twists and flips your stomach is making. The eyes filled with everlasting band of tears. The scream you vocalize as you wail in agony, desperately hoping that your voice will reach someone, SOMEONE who could make the pain go away. You cripple and bend on the floor, on the bed, on the couch. The aching head numbs your logical mind. And the feeling of helplessness is there by your side, strong and steady.

I'm feeling all of this again.

Sure, I've felt this a lot of times, it's like my routine visitor. The strange feeling comes back even though I shut the door. It always finds its way back in. It penetrates through me and the walls I built to secure myself shatter into pieces right before my eyes. And I again, am lost in this myriad of feelings.

This feeling started year's back, the moment I saw Athrun Zala, my friend, in the battlefield, in a soldier's suit, holding a knife. My eyes widen in shock when I realized that he and I are going to be enemies in this inconclusive war. I wasn't born to become a soldier, I wasn't trained to become one. But I found myself fighting for the Earth alliance.

People were killed, soldiers died. I killed some too and the guilt haunts me up until now. Countless of names were listed in the "Death" book and carved on a monument, in honor of them. Ashamedly, I put some innocent souls in there too. I didn't even know them, I didn't get the chance, because I had their blood on my hands.

Some of my friends' names are there too. Zaft killed them so I kill in return and the cycle goes on and on, connecting more bloodshed and chaos. Alas, the war stopped. I was relieved. Everyone rejoiced. And then, I found myself sanity, in the arms of the one person I shouldn't have fallen for.

Lacus Clyne.

Athrun Zala's ex-fiancée

My, Friend's ex-fiancee

She showered me with peace, serenity and tranquility. Something I couldn't attain myself. And she was willing to share some to me. She was always willing to give without anything in return. That was how she worked. She smiled my pain away. She'd laugh away my sorrow and she'd cleanse my mind. She was the only thing holding me together. Without her, I would simply start to fall apart.

I lover her

I do, and I love the man I become with her. I like being with her. She gave me everything. She gave me life. She gave me the reason to live again. She made me smile. She made me laugh, she made me something more than a man. She made me humane.

But as much as I hate to admit it, she only shares a piece of her with me. I only tasted a part of her heart, a fraction of her being. Because the bigger part of her is SOMEWHERE, in someone's care. Somewhere, far, far away from my reach._ Someone_, not me. And I wasn't blind to see that. I did notice this. But I was selfish. I wanted her. With her, I can be more. More than the coward hiding inside of me. More than the pathetic man I used to be. I need her. I need to be with her. Without her, I'll break.

I looked at her straight in the eyes. Her shining blue orbs twinkled in as she stared back. There was comfort and care in her eyes. "Marry me." I say as I hand out a box and opened it, revealing a diamond ring. She looked over at the ring, the way her eyes soften told me that there was uncertainty in her. "Marry me, Lacus."

She has always been kind, too kind for her own good. She's too innocent. Too pure. Too pretty. Too beautiful. Too giving. And she will always be.

She smiled at me as I put the ring on her engagement finger. "Of course, I will." She always gives. She is not selfish. Even her own pleasure and happiness, she's willing to throw it all away to make someone happy. Her own desires didn't matter.

I was going to marry her and yet, I don't own her heart. It didn't belong to me, much to my dismay. As much as I wanted to, I don't. I played ignorant, telling myself it didn't matter. She said 'yes' already. And in time, I'm sure, I'll occupy the throne in her heart. Her heart, the heart that belonged to—

Athrun Zala

"Lacus," I state, staring at the ceiling. She was playing with Mr Pink again. I have been thinking a lot lately. I seem to do that in the past few weeks. She looked over to me giving her undivided attention. With no words that followed after I called her, she stood up and went beside me. She knew something was troubling me. She knew. She knows me.

I couldn't be selfish anymore, I keep on telling myself. I couldn't—this was her life I was about to step on. And she deserve, she deserves to be happy. And that happiness was not in the realm of my world. I did not hold that kind of power. Her happiness was far, far away from me. Not with me. Not here in my arms. HE can make her happy, I couldn't. And she deserves to realize the fulfillment and joy of life. She doesn't need someone like me who clings to her for support, for sanity and peace.

Not with me.

I look away, opposite of her. The words were coming out, I knew and my traitorous body kept holding it back, pushing it downwards. Inside out I was dying.

"I want you to be happy, Lacus." I utter, eyes closed. My throat was dry and the words I digest tasted like venom. A poison I would later regret drinking and die upon. Because…

I was _letting_ her go.

There he was, Athrun Zala, sitting beside the center table. He attended the party. I notice his stolen glances at Lacus. It hurts, to see him staring at her. Because, even with just sitting there, without doing anything, he wins her heart. He sat up straight and took his coat. He was leaving, and my traitorous legs went to stop him. "Athrun! Leaving so soon?" I startle him, and he bowed slightly, acknowledging me.

"uhh.." Athrun shutter "busy day tomorrow…" he tries to explain to me.

I clasped my hands together in front of him, shaking my head. "Just don't leave yet…" he tried to ignore me, I can tell. He had been avoiding me. "…truth be told… I want to ask for a favor…" Athrun flinched and looked away.

"You see... I have _this_ errand to do and I received a call earlier that I need to attend to it right now…" I lie. There was something in his eyes that I cannot tell. He was in denial. He doesn't want to hurt me, even though he was hurting himself. He had been kind as well. He must be some saint.

"—I need you to watch out for Lacus at me!—" he stiffened upon hearing_ her_ name. "—and I need you to _watch_ her for me! Just for tonight! Please?!?" I was now waving my clasped hands in front of his face like a kid. Childish acts were one of my unique personalities after all.

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the topic of our conversation. "Does she know?" he ask, pertaining to Lacus of course. He just had to know. I stare at his face, why does he have to hide his feelings? Why does he pretend? As if on queue, Lacus turns to look at us and gently smiled. I could see that she smiled at HIM, not me. It always seemed to be him, not me.

"Yes… I already told her… about everything…" there was that indescribable feeling once again. The pain was eating me. I, I have to do this. "Please say yes!!!" I started shaking him furiously. I was desperate. If he won't take this chance, I'll lock Lacus, ban her from seeing him again. Forever.

"…okay…" he said, looking at Lacus.

I try to smile, one did come out, but it was not a smile for happiness. I was giving him another shot for his happiness, to regain what he lost.

This was his last chance.

I went to Cagalli's place that night. She was surprised to see me in her front door, looking like shit. "Kira! W-what are you doing here?" she asked confused. She let me enter her house and I didn't feel like home. It wasn't home. "Isn't your engagement party tonight?" she asked again.

"It's okay." I smile weakly and asked for strong coffee. Maybe, somehow, I could get a hug from my sister later. A comforting hug, one I need.

That night, I fought the strong urge to go back and take Lacus back. Take everything back. Stop time and be with her forever. What have I done? What did I just do?

Her happiness

It should matter more than my selfish desires. She gave me a lot, offered me more and it was now my time to return the favor to her. She has done well and she deserves to be getting the best. Everything she wants, everything she need, she like, she deserves to have it. Because, she's a pure, kind-hearted woman.

I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Athrun was there beside her side right now. I couldn't stop. What could they have possibly be doing right now? That night, that very same night, I was wide awake. I don't know if it was the coffee or what, but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't. My eyes were open, my mind was working up until the sun rose the next day.

Cagalli was frantic. She yelled and screamed and shouted, searching for me. She saw me on the window, leaning beside it, overlooking her wonderfully done garden outside. "KIRA!" she screamed, panting. I know what she was going to say, and I wish I was wrong. How can I forget? I planned the whole thing all along didn't I?

"Athrun and LACUS are MISSING! She screamed. "YOUR FIANCEE IS KIDNAPPED BY ATHRUN!" she repeated. "KIRA!!" she probably wanted to see a more decent and proper reaction from me. The reaction people will give in this kind of situation would be acting all murderously and go on a killing rampage just to find his woman. I would have done that. I could have reacted that way. I should have, I have the right, I am her fiancée after all.

But I didn't.

I smile at my sister, the hug was sounds really tempting now.

"That's…okay…"

I chocked, my voice was unsteady and everything was blurry. Her eyes widen in shock upon hearing my strange reaction and she flew into my arms and I lean for support. The hug was warm and delightful in its own way, just as I imagined, but not like Lacus' hug, which was more comforting.

"That's…okay…"

I repeat to myself.

I felt the stinging pain that pierces through my heart. The constricted breathing I make. The gasps I utter and the twists and flips my stomach is making. My eyes were filled with everlasting band of tears. The scream I vocalize as I wail in agony, desperately hoping that my voice will reach someone, SOMEONE who could make the pain go away. I cripple and bend on the Cagalli's arms. The aching head numbed my logical mind. And the feeling of helplessness is there by my side, strong and steady.

And the whirlwind of pain came coming back, knocking my walls down.

I was smiling.

Inside, I was dying.

I am hurt again.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Purpleblush: **oh God, I just updated! OMG! Hahahahaha. Sorry for the long, long, long, long delay. I didn't mean to! I SWEAR! Smiles everyone, this was a sad chapter, so, let's start eating sweets!

Kindly leave me your thoughts and constructive criticisms!

**Please and thank you…**

_Love you all…_

mMmMwWwWwWaAaAaAaAaAhHhHhHhHhHhH


	3. Lacus Clyne

_**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own any of the Gseed characters… If ever I did… Athrun and Lacus would end up married in the series!! WEEEEEEEEEE!

**Warning:** TOO much emotion

**TAINTED**

_Written by PuRpLebLusH017_

**. : LACUS CLYNE : .**

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

Those are the things that make up my world.

Things which make up the walls around me, a wall entitled to protect me. Protection from the outside world, protection from war, from people, from pain, from being hurt Because they say I am special. Being a singer, I was named "the pink songstress". They say I give them hope. I give them inspiration. They even treat me like royalty and I lived like royalty. It's kind of funny, because even though I live like a real princess, I never felt like one.

It's not that I don't like it. It was a dream come true for most of the people out there, but I didn't want that. I want to be a normal someone. I want to breathe the same air common people breathe in. I want to do daily chores inside the house. I want to walk freely on the streets. To be able to expose myself in public without having people literally throw themselves at me. I want to live like a commoner.

But I smile, for I am grateful. Because if I was not who I am, I would not have met him—

Athrun Zala.

My fiancée

The engagement did not root from a history between us. It was merely arranger by our parents. And we could not do anything about it. No, it was more like we chose not to do anything about it.

Athrun have beautiful blue eyes. I love his eyes. Because his eyes show me his inner most emotions. Things that won't dare come out of his mouth. Then, there was his sincerity. When he comes over and we chat, he makes me feel that he is real. What I see, hear, and feel from him are all real. He magically touches me in a way and I can't help but be mesmerized at him. When he talks, I can hear the truthfulness of it. Athrun never lied. He sought to that. His charms and his antics hit me hard. So hard that I instantly fell.

I fell in love with him.

And I was happy. I was looking forward to the wedding.

I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Lacus Zala.

I discovered something when the war broke out. I can help. Because I wasn't just some person. I am Lacus Clyne. People listen to me. I influence the mass. And since I can do that, I have the power to help in this war. So I speak purely what I have in mind: the war has to stop. It has only bestowed upon us deaths and thousands of people crying. People killing one another for greed, power and domination would only bring chaos and more death. The mass don't want that. I don't want that.

I became the people's voice.

I helped them.

I saw the two faces of the war. I am a coordinator, I saw what the ZAFT forces' desires are and how they worked. And I saw the Earth Alliance Forces' intentions and forces. Both believed that their own ideology would make the world a better place. But hidden beneath their sweet talk about a 'better' place, was another plan that will only benefit them.

The war tortured a lot of people. From babies, children, women, men to seniors, all were tormented by the never-ending battles. Even the soldiers have something to say too.

Athrun believed in his father's ideology. But I have seen the flaws and the lies underneath it. I told him everything, but he denied himself of that. He had pointed a gun at me. My heart flinched at that moment. Would he really dare to shoot me? At that moment, I knew, we weren't going to see each other for some time.

Kira Yamato, a coordinator who was unintentionally forced to fight for the Earth forces, who later becomes an alliance to the Orb fleet, was in that line. He is forced to fight his best friend, Athrun. He killed soldiers one after the other. He has seen his comrades get killed by the enemy. He has seen his friends get killed right in front of his eyes. He blamed himself. He kept saying he has power and yet, he wasn't able to do anything. So, he fights to end this war. He fought to end the sorrow. He helped in the battle.

And I helped him.

I give him strength to move on. I give him hope. I give him a reason to live. I throw away his inner demons. I give him warmth, love, adoration, security, care and smiles. I bless him with everything. I give him everything. Because that's what I do. I give. And he deserved all of those. He deserved everything. His torture has to end. He deserves something warm.

But who's there to protect me?

The second time my heart ached was when I saw Athrun with another woman, a blonde princess who happens to be Kira's twin sister, Cagalli Yula Atha. It seemed that both she and Athrun have something for one another. I couldn't interfere. I can clearly see something forming between them. I should be happy for them. I keep telling myself that. And yet, a fake smile would only creep onto my features.

Kira locked his eyes on mine. I give him the smile that made him relax a bit. "Marry me." he says as he handed out a box and opened it, revealing the most elegant diamond ring I have ever seen. I knew what it meant. "Marry me, Lacus."

I smile at him as he gently, with pure care, as if I was going to break any moment, put the ring on my engagement finger. He looked over at me. I smile once again. "Of course, I will."

I chose things to happen as they were. Again, I did the same thing with my second engagement. I could have said 'No'. My heart was screaming that out loud. But then again, I chose not to do anything.

"Lacus," Kira called me as he was staring at the ceiling. I was playing with Mr. Pink at that moment. I looked at him, giving attention but he did not utter any words after that. There was something troubling his mind, I can tell. I know him. I stood up and sat beside him.

He was thinking really hard. His furrowed eyebrows were a dead give away. I touch his hand to console him. He has to let his frustrations out of his system. He has drunk too much of it. He looked away from me. I know he was trying to tell me something. And he was having a lot of trouble saying it.

"I want you to be happy, Lacus." He says. And I easily understood.

He's letting me go.

I could feel Athrun's eyes bore on me. I knew. He was silently sitting beside the center table with a glass of red wine in hand. He attended the party. I look over at him at times but his lovely blue orbs keep on making me fall again. The glances I give turned to a full blown stare when I saw Kira approach him. This was happening.

This is it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My eyelids were endangering to fall. I feel hot and my body is unexpectedly warm. I feel uncomfortable and slightly dizzy. I could feel the urge to talk about it out loud. I place my hand above my head to keep myself steady. I couldn't think straight. But there's one thing that I know for sure.

I'm drunk.

I slowly felt new warmth crawling through my skin. It seemed that someone or something picked me up in its arms. Whatever it was, it felt rather pleasing, comfortable and dangerously tempting. So, I snuggled.

"I'm taking you to bed." A voice cracked. It sounded pleasing and very soothing. "…you need some rest…" I couldn't understand the words properly but I reply with more snuggles, it feels so right, and a little moan of pleasure.

I slightly frown when I felt the warmth around me crawl away and softness surrounded me. I can feel someone staring intently at me and yet I don't mind at all. Something brushed my face. The gentleness of its touch is the last straw. I slightly cracked my eyes open, only to see an angel in front of me.

Athrun Zala.

I turned around. And the first thing in my mind found its way through my voice.

"We were never given _another_ chance…"

"Aa." He's caught off guard. I could feel something change in his persona the moment I unconsciously opened this topic. And he's avoiding it. He tries to disclose it. "You better sleep… or Kira will kill me for making _you_ stay up this late…"

I laughed. "I don't see any Kira's around, do _you_?"

"Aa" I could feel him shift his position. And by knowing him, he might be staring at those dark corners. It seems his habits die hard as well. "But _still_… you—"

I sit up straight, my right hand behind me for support. I tugged his shirt, clinging for something. Hoping for anything. "Don't you want to talk about _it_?" I am waiting for answers.

_Hear me, Athrun. _

"We don't need to talk about _anything_…" he defends.

_Talk to me, Athrun_

"We _need _to!" I command. The tone of my voiced rose up a level.

_Tell it to me_

"Lacus… you're _engaged_…" he says, with deep sorrow hidden underneath. "_We_ don't need to dwell about the _past_… you worry about _your future_ instead…"

"…but you're _hurt_…"

"…"

_Tell me the truth_

"Athrun…" I turn him around so that we could see each others. "…how long are you going to play this _charade_…? This might bring you to your end…"

"…"

"That's why… that's why we have to _talk…_ about EVERYTHING… we need to resolve it before its too late…"

He snorts. "It's already _too late_ for a _closure_ Lacus, if that's what you're trying to say…"

"Athrun…"

_Say it to me with all honesty_

"…_you_… you're already _engaged_…" he swallows. There was a pause. "…_to him_…"

"I know…" I smile. "And it feels kind of awkward too…" he looks at me, astonished, yet there ws hope in his presence, in his look, in his form, in his eyes. He was searching aw well. He's hoping too. "I pictured my life to be with you _forever_…" I could feel heat on my cheeks. "—to have _your children_ inside of me…"

"…"

"—to be in _your arms_ every night…"

"…"

"—to _worry for you_ whenever you're at work… and—"

Athrun's eyebrows knitted. He suddenly came to a realization. "You're drunk" he accuses.

I laugh upon hearing his declaration. "Yes, yes, of course I am! But… you don't _believe_ me?"

He frowns, as if his hopes were suddenly shattered in an instant. "You're _intoxicated_. You don't _know_ what you're saying…"

I smile at him. "Don't you know that alcohol makes a person _say things_ they dearly want to bury six feet under? Alcohol usually makes them say _all of these_ things without holding back, without thinking about the consequences of the 'ifs'. Therefore, it's like a truth serum…"

"…"

"Athrun…" I bit my lip "I think—I think—"

"Stop it!"

_I can't_

"But…"

"You're _getting married_ Lacus! Focus on that!"

_Tell me!_

"I… _I think I don't want to get married with him_…"

_Hear me, Athrun…_

_Hear me!_

"Lacus…" I whisper.

"I'm still _in love with you_…" with all honesty, I said it. And I am proud too.

_Listen!_

_Listen to me…_

He looks at me. "You're going to regret this…"

"I am?"

"…but _I wont_…" he smiles at me smile seductively. Ah, how long has it been? Since our last kiss? How long have I waited and dreamed for this day? At last, I have him finally back in my arms. And his warmth feels so right. Drunk or not, I loved it.

_He heard me_

_And I'm happy_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

I have been blessed with people giving these things to me, so I give in return. I have been on a long journey. I have fought many battles. I have lost friends, family and my heart. But I have my triumphs as well. I earned. I gained. I grew up. I was loved. And I couldn't be more thankful that I got into this path. Everything that occurred in my life opened a window to realizations. And I am happy.

I can offer nothing but myself and my smiles. And I smile.

"Morning, sunshine." Athrun greets with a peck on my cheek. I slightly blush at his antic.

"Morning." I shyly reply. I could feel that the shyness stems from what happened last night. I blush again. Last night was just amazing. He sits right beside me to eat his breakfast. Again, I can't help but just feel glad that he's right here with me.

I am living my dream.

He's with me.

And that's all I need.

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

He gave me these things and so much more. And I can only offer all of myself to him. Afterall, I am now his wife.

I'm Mrs. Lacus Clyne-Zala.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

**Purpleblush: **It's finished! AT LONG LAST! Waaaah! I guess, I made it just the way I wanted it to be done. I hope you enjoyed it! Anyway, don't you just wish they really ended up together? –sigh- I hope I brought out the emotions in you and in this story. Argh, I'm so tormented right now! I mean, they really look good together! ARGH!!!

A BIG **THANK YOU** to: **Skyforger, Lonely Wind, adf, Nkitty29, simply -v-, Lil Silent Angel, the Black Rose, Lethal Dose, AoiNozomi, Pink Lunaire**

You are all adorned and LOVED! **Thank you** _sooooooooooo_ much!

Kindly leave me your thoughts and constructive criticisms!

**Please and thank you…**

_Love you all…_

mMmMwWwWwWaAaAaAaAaAhHhHhHhHhHhH


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